Let me say, I hope 2015 brings lots of good surprises everyone's way.
I've only been posting with Weekend Writing Warriors for a few months, but I've enjoyed it immensely. I've messed up a few times, and in the beginning I thought it was 8 lines not just 8 sentences we would be sharing. Now that I'm non track, please enjoy not only my snippet, but click on the link to find snippets of your favorite authors' works, and get sneak peaks of upcoming books.
Thanks for your support. Please leave feedback. I enjoy constructive criticism it only helps make my writing stronger. And don't forget to enjoy other author's endeavors.
This week I'm giving another scene from Diamonds Sometimes Lose their Luster. It's the morning after, and Shelbie's had one too many margaritas.You don't see it in the snippet below, but the couple is on their side, back to front.
Her thoughts in the present are in regular font. Her dream/vision is italicized.This version is PG13. I'll let readers know when it gets too steamy. What I'm looking for is continuity and that Shelbie's feelings in both situations are portrayed without being confusing. Any help is appreciated.
Diamonds Aren't Forever
I've only been posting with Weekend Writing Warriors for a few months, but I've enjoyed it immensely. I've messed up a few times, and in the beginning I thought it was 8 lines not just 8 sentences we would be sharing. Now that I'm non track, please enjoy not only my snippet, but click on the link to find snippets of your favorite authors' works, and get sneak peaks of upcoming books.
Thanks for your support. Please leave feedback. I enjoy constructive criticism it only helps make my writing stronger. And don't forget to enjoy other author's endeavors.
This week I'm giving another scene from Diamonds Sometimes Lose their Luster. It's the morning after, and Shelbie's had one too many margaritas.You don't see it in the snippet below, but the couple is on their side, back to front.
Her thoughts in the present are in regular font. Her dream/vision is italicized.This version is PG13. I'll let readers know when it gets too steamy. What I'm looking for is continuity and that Shelbie's feelings in both situations are portrayed without being confusing. Any help is appreciated.
She couldn’t let
this get too out of hand. She’d only promised to be his in order to get her
family out of harm’s way.
A denial was on the
tip of her tongue, but she must have eaten an entire bag of cotton balls, it
was too thick to utter intelligible words. …Firm
hands gripped her waist, lifting her over his body. Soft lips brushed her
nipples before capturing a tight bud between his teeth. That’s not…
She pushed into his hot, wet mouth,
reveling in the tiny fissures firing straight to her aching pussy. Whatever she intended to say was lost in
the heat of the moment.
Diamonds Aren't Forever
Steamy. :-) I love the "...eaten an entire bag of cotton balls..." lol perfect. I think you can put a ; after cotton balls. Right now I think it's a comma splice. "...cotton balls; it was too..."
ReplyDeleteIt is a challenge writing different times, different realities. In this case, I think it's okay to add words that identify what's going on in the italicized parts. Such as "It had been a crazy-wonderful dream, his firm hands gripping her waist, lifting her over his body." "She couldn't stop from imagining pushing into his hot, wet mouth..."
Then again, without seeing more than 8 sentences, I might be losing the context. Perhaps it's clearer when a larger section is read. :-)
Good 8! :-)